I'm hearing voices

Yes - I'm hearing voices telling me what to do.
The cookie has spoken again. Today's fortune: 'You have a charming way with words. Send email to a friend.'
So the cookie is trying to tell me to spam my friends? Not sure how charming that would be.

Did you hear that Intel is setting up a new billion dollar chip processing plant in Vietnam? It's expected to be a success until Angelina Jolie adopts all of the employees.

My favorite rant

Some days are just made for ranting, and this is my favorite.

'I think all right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary descent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.'

Conspiracy theories

Have you ever felt like someone was out to get you?
Having one of those days at work where I seem to be thwarted at every turn. I try to work on one area and my editor crashes. I get my editor fixed and my area crashes. It's getting towards dinner time and I have the feeling that it's been the most unproductive day of my life.
Trust me...coming from a guy who held the high school record for skipped classes, that's pretty unproductive.

Superpowers

There was no working late last night, they had the building evacuated a little before nine. Apparantly they are putting new wiring in and needed to X-Ray the entire office. Not just the old flash x-ray you get at the dentist's office, but they were going to leave the rays on for a few hours.
Now who doesn't think this is perhaps the greatest chance you'd ever get to pick up some extra super powers? I chickened out though and went for a drink at the Dog instead.
My friend has a pet frog on her desk, Leroy - I should go check if she remembered to take him home.
Hmmmm - well, either he went home or he's suddenly developed enough intelligence to escape from his bowl and is now eagerly plotting our destruction for keeping him captive for so many years. What would be a good name for a mad frog supervillain anyway?

Life should be filmed

I watched a couple documentaries on the weekend. Maybe not what I watch all the time, but sometimes I like peering behind the scenes at other people's lives. I find it kind of reassuring to see that other people go through various struggles, but usually persevere.

So if a couple camera guys followed you around for a year, what would they call the documentary about you?

I was trying to think of a couple for mine. If it was more serious it could be 'Keith's Labyrinth' or 'Citizen Keith'. Or maybe it should be a comedy, like 'The Good, the Bad, and the Dateless', or 'Dude, where's my life?'

By the way, if you're looking for a couple good flicks - check out Comedian and Wordplay.

Cookie wisdom

My lunch fortune cookie today: 'You deserve respect and will eventually get it.'

Now there's a fortune laced with futility if I've ever heard one. I might be waiting in the old folks home, but eventually I'll get that R.E.S.P.E.C.T.!

I should be quiet, though. Never badmouth the cookie.

Spamming the Spammers

Have you ever wondered who responds to those spam emails telling you that some Nigerian prince wants to bring his millions of dollars over to Canada and just needs someone to pay the legal fees in advance?
Well one of my friends here at work has been spamming the spammer. For the last month or so he's been emailing back and forth with one particular spammer. He traced him to an internet cafe in Amsterdam and has been filling him with stories of a rich Sicilian backer named 'Big Al'.
Apparantly there are whole web sites dedicated to helping people spam spammers; suggesting lines to feed them, providing fake documents to send them.
Now if only he could do something about all the tele-sales people that call me right when I'm eating or at the good part of a movie.

I finished the internet

So what's all the fuss about this internet thing? I'm not convinced it's all it's cracked up to be.
Occaisionally, during my busy days, I have a couple minutes where the computer is doing its own thing and I have a little spare time. I have a few web sites I like to peruse during those times; the BBC, a couple game sites, maybe sportsnet.
The problem arises if I get too many of these breaks in one day and I've already been to every internet site I know of...twice.
What do you do when you've finished the internet?
Get back to work? There must be another answer...

Why aren't Canadians more like Australians?

I was in the midst of a heated MSN discussion today and found myself lost for a turn of phrase. The only thing that popped to mind was 'fair dinkum'.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-fai3.htm
Where's the original Canuck phrase when you need it? Those Australians are light years ahead of us when it comes to language.
I mean, what do we have. Toque, Zamboni, Canoe, Eh. Much harder words to work into everyday conversation. Well ok, eh is pretty easy - but a lot less cool.
Right after Japan, I think I'm going to swing over to Oz - I wonder what percentages are like over there? Think they'd be higher if I throw around words like Toque?

More hard hitting news

CTV is on a roll lately.

'Binge drinking rises at U.S. colleges: report'
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20070315/binge_drinking_070315/20070315?hub=Health

Well, d'uh.

First off - Why? Was there really a burning need to look into college student's drinking patterns?
Second off - If I'd known this was what science was all about, I would have ditched my BComm in a heartbeat. There's plenty of studies I'm sure I could come up with at college sorority houses that society needs to know. Seriously - any time. I'm available. I can drop what I'm doing - no problem.

St. Patty's Day tomorrow!

Courtesy of my friend, Dups (pronounced 'Dew-ps').


I invite you to the 3rd Annual St. Patrick's Day Drunk Dial Competition! What's that you say?

Good question:

Enter the number +1-484-906-3296 into your phone
Go out and get drunk on St. Patrick's Day: Saturday, 17 March 2007
Phone the number and leave a message
The funniest/best message no matter where you are in the world will win a bottle of Newfoundland Screech!
Call as many times as you want. Note that every message will be made public :)
Please note that there will be long distance charges to North America
I've put up a very quick web site at http://drunkdial.dups.ca
Spread the word, tell your friends, tell the entire studio! Go enjoy a (few/many) pints on St. Patrick's Day and celebrate your Irish heritage (well, never mind, I'm just a wannabe Irishman, just go get drunk, it puts hair on your body and builds healthy white teeth).
Cheers, and happy St. Patrick's Day!
Dups

Sex in Japan

This was one of the headlines on ctvnews.ca yesterday.

Nearly 40% of Japanese without sex for over month
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20070314/japan_sex_070314/20070314?hub=Health

Now first off - why is this a headline worthy story?

Secondly - does that mean that 60% of Japanese had sex this month? Hell - I like those odds better than mine here in Canada. I'm moving to Tokyo.

Spring Cleaning

I'm not a big clothes guy, but I am in desparate need of some new items for the old wardrobe. Half of what I'm wearing is company swag and most of the rest has been around for a little too long (you know it's bad when you look in old photos and see the same clothes you're still wearing). Time for a little shopping trip, methinks.
So a friend of mine told me a little rule - if you buy something new, you have to chuck out something old. Your wardrobe should be a rotation. Out with the old, in with the new.
(Actually, I think she got this from Oprah, but I won't blame her for that).
Makes sense to me - I've got so much old stuff I no longer wear, it's ridiculous. Might as well donate it to someone who might actually need it.
So there's my spring resolution - a purge of the clothes closet.
Now why don't I get as ruthless with the rest of the boxes of crap that seem to follow me around from move to move? You might tell me that posterity won't be needing any of my old school papers, but hey - who knows what my biographer might find there.

Firedrills

Mondays seem like a good day for a firedrill.
Now, around here, a designer firedrill is called whenever it seems like people are in need of a quick work-break. The word is spread, office to office, by whoever calls the drill. We file, in an orderly fashion, to the pub downstairs as quickly as possible whereupon we launch into a discussion of our evacuation techniques and other topics du jour. Of course, as our evacuation point happens to be in a pub, these meetings usually take place accompanied by some sort of frosty beverage. By the time we get back to work, most anything that has been bugging our team is out in the open and we are usually ready to be creative again (creativity CAN be wobbly, damn it!).
So next time you're at one of those points where the day drags out much longer than the laws of physics would seem to allow - remember your fire safety.

Worst Day of the Year

I want my hour back!

nuff said...

Busy Busy

Even on my busiest days, there's still a few sites I like to check out every day.
Here's one of em.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/6434537.stm

Now I just gotta get my own camera working...

Potholes are here to stay

After my jeep nearly dissappeared into the abyss several times on my way to work, I think I can safely say this is the worst year for potholes I've ever seen.
Why is it so impossible to build a road that lasts? You think some smart engineer would have figured that one out by now.
My theory is that there is some kind of conspiracy going on with the construction companies. If the roads continue to need to be paved every summer, these companies are basically set up for life.
The engineer who comes up with a better road probably soon finds himself visited by several large members of the brotherhood of teamsters and promptly looses whatever blueprints he had for his new road.
I often wonder about most things you buy these days. How many times does something breakdown a month after the warranty expires? How much of this is planned obsolescence?
I have a fridge up at my cabin from the 1930s and its still happily plugging away. Has western civilization lost the knowledge on how to create something that lasts? Seems more likely that some weasily marketing type has something to do with it.

It's a dry heat

The AC is out in the office today. You wouldn't think that would be a big problem in the middle of winter, but apparantly there's something about having a million computers in the building that generates a lot of heat.
That makes it a no-pants day. Now I'm usually in favor of scantilly-cladness, especially on nubile young women, but not so much when it's sweaty programmer guys.
The only thing worse around here is when it's no-shirt o'clock.

Video killed the radio star

I went to see the World's best commercials the other week - that collection of TV commercials that were recognized at the annual Clio awards. (http://www.clioawards.com/home/)
Usually there are some very entertaining ones - some funny, some thought provoking, some just plain strange.
Normally, on my way to work my brain is pretty much in auto-pilot mode, but today for some reason I was actually able to register some of what I was listening to and it made me wonder - why are there no good radio commercials?
Not one of them is witty, entertaining, or the least bit worth listening to (with the exception of some radio station promo spots - like Garner Andrews, but those don't really count as ads).
All we get is a steady stream of ads for cars or matresses or some other shit that we don't need to buy that sound like they are being read by some monster truck announcer.
Is it so impossible to come up with a clever radio ad?

Whatever happened to the future?

I love to read. My favorite time to read is right before falling asleep. The problem with this comes when I'm in the middle of a really good book. Then I end up with the 'just-one-more-chapter' syndrome and end up awake till two in the morning.
What I hate is when I've run out of books to read - then I end up either listening to Art Bell and having strange conspiracy theory dreams or worse yet...going to sleep at a decent hour.
What I need is a pneumatic tube system that connects up to the library. When I run out of reading material, press a button and - pffffooppt - new book.
Whatever happened to the dream of pneumatic tubes connecting everything? Not only would it have been way more efficient - think of the fun we all could have had. Who wouldn't want to travel to work via pneumatic tube? Don't feel like walking down to the cafeteria? Pffffooppt - lunch in a tube.
Man, I miss the future.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumatic_tube

Quote of the Day

"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy."

Albert Einstein

http://www.aip.org/history/einstein/essay.htm

Why men are superior packers

I have a friend taking off on a little trip - 1 week, and she insists that it'll take at least two evenings to pack and get ready (and before you say it, no - she's not just telling me this to avoid me - this was a serious discussion).
So why do women need that much time to pack? Any guy could get ready for a one week trip in about 20 minutes. 30 tops. Hell - I could get ready to leave on a round-the-world cruise in about that much time.
Do women have that much more stuff to bring? Or do they just overthink the entire packing process. Women spend too much time considering all of the different combinations of what they might possibly be wearing. 'Oh - I need a different top to go with those earrings, and what if we go out to a nice restaurant - and what if it get's a little chilly out at night'. And lets not forget the 4 pairs of shoes for different times of day.
Guys - clean underwear and clean socks and we're good to go. Anything else missing - and that's what the credit card is for.

Maybe I'm being hypocritical about it all - I mean - I appreciate a smart dressed woman as much as the next guy (maybe even more).
So you ladies - keep it up. But don't expect me to wait for you while you get ready - I'll meet you down by the pool. Now - you haven't seen my swimming trunks, have you? And my Visa? You know - it was on the table right by the tickets? No? Hmmmmm.

Theme Music

Just working on music in our game. You would not believe what a difference it makes to the whole experience. Music is that way with life too.
Don't you think life would be better if we all had our own theme music?
Something that would play as you entered a room.
Who doesn't instantly know when Darth Vadar enters a room. Wouldn't you want to be as instantly recognizable too?
Garner was playing a little Johhny Cash 'Ring of Fire' on my way in this morning. I think that's what I'd pick - the little horn theme from that.

Of course, might be a little awkward talking to people with all of that music blaring, but hey - I'm just the idea man - someone else can figure that out.